My Experiences at Blizzard Entertainment

Like many women either formerly or currently at Blizzard Entertainment, I had a fair share of bad experiences. While I immensely value my time there and have many great memories associated to being at Blizzard, it would be disingenuine to both myself and the other victims of abuse and gender discrimination that have come forward for me to not acknowledge the toxic environment for women, identify what was wrong, and bring light to it to help make sure it stops happening. 

Here are a few examples (that I haven't buried so far under trauma I can't recall them anymore) of what I experienced in that environment. While I am not a victim of (specifically) sexual abuse or assault, the issue is much more complex than that. The space there isn't safe or conducive to having women succeed and grow, and there are issues every employee faces that are heightened by gender stereotypes.

I'm going to put a lot out there, but I'm not going to name names. If you think you're someone who's responsible for one of the experiences I'm outlining here, there's no need to reach out to apologize to me about it. None of us can change the past. Just commit to doing better, and then actually do it. That's all I ask.

Because I have two different stretches of time spent at Blizzard (2.5 years in CS and 6.75 years in Community), I've broken them out into the primary departments I belonged to. This is going to be long. But here it is:

Customer Support 

• There was an extremely heavy drinking and partying culture in CS (I learned later that this was pretty much everywhere at Blizzard), and we all quietly acknowledged it was because the job was both mentally draining and very poorly paid, thus making it an "okay way to blow off steam." This behavior was never dissuaded, and in some ways, actively encouraged. Any party I ever went to with coworkers was an extremely "frat-boy" environment. I learned to play beer pong at *Blizzard*, not in college. 

• Furthermore, there was personal drama between managers that often reared its head to team members. Seniors (of both genders) would regularly make advances on their staff or coworkers. I had no recourse on how to report this. My manager wasn't a safe space (I was told he was interested in me, and there were others I couldn't go to for similar reasons), and I felt too "expendable" to raise any kind of concern. After all, I was grateful and "lucky" to be at Blizzard in the first place. 

• While I was a contractor, I was recognized by my (female) management as being an excellent example of quality over quantity. I often exceeded expectations in quality and first-contact resolution results (meaning, I was very good at solving your problem the first time, so you wouldn't need to put in another ticket) while maintaining (and sometimes exceeding) the standard expectation of tickets completed per hour. However, metrics for CS tended to be very quantity driven, and this was often not celebrated at a team level. Instead, male peers whose metrics were entirely focused on how *much* they could get done would often be celebrated over the work I would do, even if their other scores were much lower by comparison. Those peers were generally looked at first for promotions or special projects. I think I was selected for one special project, ever, where the expectation was still quantity over quality.

• Prior to the 2012 layoffs, I was put on a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan, but really means "We're watching everything you do now, and if you don't do exactly as we say, you will lose your job) with no prior verbal or written warning for "browsing the internet" while I was working on the CS Forum team. My job, quite literally, was to browse the internet (including social media) to help users who posted proactively about their issues, but may not have submitted a ticket. I was often looked at as one of the best writers and communicators on my team by my peers, and this disingenuous punishment (that later had a very suspicious correlation to the impending layoffs) seriously devalued my work. My manager said and did nothing, even after I raised this concern. While he knew it was unfair and ridiculous, the punishment was doled out by his management, and he was powerless to do anything.

Community 

• I was only promoted twice in my 6.5 year tenure in community, and both times were by my female managers as they were leaving the team. During the time in between these two promotions (which were 5 years apart from each other, with the first being a byproduct of an organizational restructure), I watched new, less experienced male peers on my teams and adjacent teams receive multiple promotions. I was also asked, with regularity by my peers, questions like "how are you still an associate?" or "I thought you lead that team?" Despite being viewed as a leader and excellent performer by many of my peers, I was not valued by (specifically male) management. 

• When I brought the above concern to HR, I was told there was "nothing to be done" and that they would uphold my yearly review that detailed how I was "too emotional" and needed to be "more professional" in how I provided feedback and communicated with other teams. Again, I received nothing but glowing peer reviews in this regard; only the final manager review reflected this feedback.  

• One specific manager is mostly at fault here; every one that succeeded him listened to my concerns, and were blocked out of promoting me because they "didn't have enough time as my manager to evaluate my skills." Shuffling management around on a team every year is going to result in people getting lost between the cracks. I was one of them.

• Several of my yearly reviews focused on language around my "emotional" state. I was either never "professional" enough, "too emotional," or needed to better leverage my "business acumen" to improve my performance. Male peers with similar levels of frustration in getting player voices heard were told they were "too passionate" or "needed to tone it back a bit." Community Management is, largely, a qualitative job. Our function is to take the thoughts and feelings of our communities and pass them on to those who can use that feedback for meaningful change. Anyone who tells you otherwise (A) doesn't know what a community manager actually does or (B) doesn't actually care about what their communities think in the first place. 

• One of my primary tasks was communicating community sentiment and feedback to the development team(s). I always needed to work harder to present said feedback, told on multiple occasions that I needed "numerical evidence" for what was often qualitative information, and eventually passed those duties on to my male peers because they rarely had to spend as much time "proving their point." In some cases, I still wrote the reports, but had my male counterparts do the presenting. I effectively relegated myself to the "secretary" note-taking job, both because it wouldn't get done otherwise, but also because there was no point in my speaking up. 

• There is one very vivid incident I had providing feedback from the community about a class set being introduced into Diablo III. 

• The feedback was on Delsere's Magnum Opus, and how the initial version of the chest piece for the female model was difficult to see from the isometric view because it was a thin vest. Players actually thought the item was bugged and not displaying anything upon equip. 

• I stressed heavily about providing this feedback because I worried it wouldn't be well received, and I was correct—when I presented it, I was told the artist who made it was "very angry" about the complaints of "how sexualized" the set was, that this was "always the vision and tone for Diablo III as a mature game," and that "it was fine because the male version had an open chest." Literally none of these were concerns ever mentioned in the feedback I provided. Words were put in my mouth, in front of other coworkers, and I was forced to navigate a room full of men with heightened emotions as the only female and ultimately the one who would be viewed as "the emotional one." 

• The only saving grace to this experience was A SINGLE DESIGNER calling out this bullshit, supporting my feedback, and pushing back on their art coworker. The set received some visual changes as a result (some of which were far more than what was asked, but let's recognize there was some weird projecting going on here already). While he didn't speak up until it was both private and after the fact (an area that could be improved), I am still forever grateful to that designer to this day.

• After the "no alcohol on campus" rule went into effect, we learned someone from one of the development teams was stashing beer in the fridge in the quiet room, a facility primarily meant for nursing mothers. There's no excuse for this. As far as I know, nothing was ever actually done about it, and I heard several men grumbling about how the "fun" was being taken away from Blizzard. 

• After leaving Blizzard, I realized how wildly underpaid I was. I had always suspected it to be the case, watching male peers in similar roles be able to purchase houses in Southern California on what should be the same salary while I actively accumulated further debt in a 3-person rental in order to survive my day to day. For many, surviving at Blizzard required either an extremely long commute (think roughly 2 hours in traffic one-way) for affordable housing or sharing a rental with multiple roommates. Most are wildly underpaid at Blizzard, but women in particular cannot survive on their salary or even begin to think about having children in that environment. It was a major component in the discussion with my now-husband as to why we never wanted kids (though ultimately we also decided it wasn't for us). My profession simply didn't pay enough to take care of myself, let alone another human being.  

• During my time as a Community Manager, I was very vocal about women not being left alone at events, regardless of if they were an employee or otherwise. I heavily advocated for a buddy system at events we travelled to, regularly disseminated information publicly on how to protect yourself at events, and pushed to make sure our female invitees to BlizzCon were provided a +1 ticket, always. Women do not feel safe at industry events, and for good reason. There were coworkers who would push back on this "special treatment." I noticed that, after I was drugged and went to the emergency room during a party at PAX West, suddenly they were a lot less vocal about pushing back on this. It shouldn't require sharing my personal trauma to show that these situations are real threats.

• The Diablo Immortal pushback was something that took a very deep, very personal toll on me. 

• Some of you may remember the Future of Diablo video we released just prior to the Immortal announcement. I pitched and championed this video as well as wrote the original script, because I was extremely in tune with the community and confident as to what the reception would be. Every step of the way, this approach was questioned. Every step of the way, the script was changed until it was unrecognizable, because leadership (particularly Activision and their obsession with investors) did not want to "give up the surprise" that Diablo IV was being worked on. Nevermind the fact there were plenty of clues this was already the case, like "unannounced Diablo title" job listings on our website. Eventually, we landed on the video that went out, which just wasn't sufficient, and spokespeople like myself and the Immortal team were hung out to dry at BlizzCon. 

• I can't speak for the experience of others, but in regards to myself - I went to therapy specifically from that BlizzCon experience. I handled the Q&A line that year. I was crowded and ganged up on by angry and upset fans. Security was not there to help me; I was on my own. Developers were able to exit safely via backstage; I was vulnerable on the show floor, amidst the crowd of attendees. I knew this reaction was coming and I deeply empathized with them, but still I hoped for the best and tried to be available to a very hurt and frustrated community. Instead, I was still harassed until I called in friends to escort me from the show floor. 

• I retreated to our community HQ behind the scenes (a room where we work on all our social media for the show and can take breaks from the show floor) and cried for at least an hour. Then, I put myself back together, and walked out on the show floor to keep dealing with the same vitriol the rest of the weekend because that was my job. I needed to put on a smile and be there for the fans. 

• There was no support for this entire situation. Nothing from HR. No benefits to call on. Nothing from leadership except "don't listen to the haters." I asked; there was no ownership of the fact we were made targets and then left to be harassed constantly. Immortal is legitimately a good game, and something the team working on it is extremely passionate about. They want to change the landscape of mobile gaming and show you can have an amazing, engaging experience in that space, and I still feel they're succeeding. It was agonizing for that game, myself, and its team to be the punching bag of not just the community, but much of the rest of the company. Immortal became the scapegoat for a year we just shouldn't have had a BlizzCon, because there honestly just wasn't enough that was ready to announce. All of us that suffered for that, men and women alike, were just expected to keep on as though nothing had happened.

• After spending a lot of time in therapy reconciling the feelings of dismissal in my profession and as a person, I came to the determination that while I still wanted to work on Diablo, it was clear community (or at least, Blizzard's evolution of community) was not the right place for me to do so, especially as I had exhausted my personal path for progression without becoming a people manager. 

• Let's talk about management as progression for a moment. Despite the fact I had been doing it in all the stints our team didn't have a manager, I had convinced myself I didn't want to become a manager. I was a creative. I was meant to be doing the meaningful work on the ground floor. In retrospect, I realize I had watched too many managers (sometimes, but not always, my own) be totally useless yes-men, and it's not that I didn't want to help my team succeed; it's that I thought I was already doing that by not being management in the first place. 

• I began trying to explore other avenues to get onto Team 3; I had, for many years, expressed interest in eventually writing for Diablo. It's part of why I wrote a lot of community blogs aimed at lore; it let me network with designers, immerse myself in the canon, and remain a knowledgeable and credible source with the community. Several members of Team 3 whom I had grown close to over the years reinforced this was a good opportunity for me. "You'd be perfect for that!" "We could really use someone with your comprehensive knowledge!" "It'd be so great to have someone who really knows our audience!"

• So I began trying. I applied for every opportunity that came up. I laid the groundwork with my management to pursue training and learning opportunities that would improve my chances. I asked for references and referrals. My first application, I received an immediate rejection. Not a "we've reviewed your application and we're not moving forward." Like, minutes after hitting submit, I received a rejection email. That was weird, especially given that in this instance I was asked to apply, so I pushed the issue, and eventually, got a single interview. 

• When you're internally interviewed for a interdepartmental position, part of Blizzard's "Learn & Grow" philosophy is that you're supposed to receive action items on where you need to improve to try again. I never received this either; I had to, once again, push to ask why I didn't make the cut and how I could improve my chances. I was told I needed to provide an example that I could "use development tools to meaningfully implement narrative elements" and show that I could "learn any tool provided." 

• Blizzard mostly uses internally built software for developing their games, so asking me for knowledge in a specific style of coding or with a particular software would have been pointless. So, I took that action - I built a roughly 15 minute experience in RPG Maker that was fully playable. I implemented narrative elements like voice over, music, sound effects, portraits, dialogue and storytelling through quest progress from scratch. This was entirely self-taught. I also heavily documented all the changes I made throughout my process, including bug logs, to show that I could document my work properly.

• I also got approval from my management to participate in one of Team 3's game jams (usually a 24-48 hour sprint to make something; this could be anything from a minor piece of code to an entire game mode or proof of concept, and you could work in a team if you wanted). I self-taught myself use of their very not user-friendly proprietary tool to implement a small piece of code that the game otherwise didn't have, working in a small team of 3-4 people. My role was programming and implementation. The peers I reached out to and my teammates were happy to help me learn and guide me along the way. I had never done anything like this, and it worked really well! I was very proud of the work we did in just a couple short days. We showed it off to the whole team to pretty tepid reception. Sure, it wasn't fancy or flashy; but it did exactly what we were trying to do.

• The next application I put in, I included all of this—and received another immediate rejection and no further follow-up. That was the day I gave up; they didn't want me, or what I could do. That was now very clear. No amount of work I was going to put in would change that, so why keep trying? 

• When the opportunity I ultimately took to leave came up, I was very transparent about the offer, my frustrations, and what it would take for me to stay. The pay disparity at the new offer was 18% higher than my pay at the time, and I knew it was what I was worth. I told Blizzard that if they could match the offer, I would stay. The response was, "You should leave." That was, ultimately, a kindness (and honestly, the right advice). But it's a complicated feeling to be told what you aren't worth by a place where you've invested nearly a decade of your career.

There are many, many more stories I know I have repressed in order to simply try to move on and enjoy my work at my new place of employment. Anything I've put above is memorable enough to me that I'm confident to speak on it. 

Ultimately, I left Blizzard because I hit a point in my career where I knew I could no longer progress. 

• I "wasn't ready for management" despite having been forced to manage my team previously due to frequent restructures and a constant revolving door of managers. 
• When I had finally given up trying to explore other paths and "bite the bullet" to become a manager, I wasn't even considered. Blizzard instead hired another man externally to take over the team, someone I was also responsible for interviewing. This happened at least twice, that I can recall.
• I regret putting myself in the position of "I don't want to be a manager" because I was told, so often by so many, that it was something I couldn't or shouldn't do. 
• It should not have taken six years for me to drop "associate" from my title. 
• I should not have felt like I needed to flee to another department to be happy, the efforts of which were also shut down with zero feedback on my applications. 
• There was no way to make me happy in my role, because toxicity, particularly amongst the development teams, made my role often feel pointless. 

The designers and programmers and artists whom I were (and still am) friends with all felt similarly fearful or frustrated that they couldn't do anything about it. I know, so very well, that we were not alone; just powerless. 

There's a separate, yet related underlying issue to the misogyny at play here, and this is the best name I have for it: Developer Ego. Community Managers are supposed to be the lifeline to how your fans are feeling. We already get discredited for being "too emotional" about the game as community managers; it just gets amplified when you're a woman. I was tired of being unheard and disrespected, or having to willfully ignore the community I was dedicated to helping in order to toe around sensitive dev egos. 

That lack of humility plays a huge part in these issues. No one above you can ever be wrong. There was no room for ever making an apology even when a mistake had clearly been made, no matter how egregious. That is a toxic and unrealistic environment for everyone. 

I also want to reiterate: This isn't just a Blizzard problem. This is an industry problem. These issues aren't unique to Blizzard, and my peers across the industry all commiserate on the same experiences. This is especially true when it comes to dismissiveness around community, influencer, and social media management. Let's be clear - these are three different disciplines that require different skillsets, but often are expected to be done by the same person. It'd be like expecting your localization writer, copy editor, and narrative designer to be one person. Sure, they all work with words, but they don't do the same job.

I have very complex feelings about Blizzard. I'm the experienced, successful community manager I am today because of the work I did there. Seeing nearly a decade of work at Blizzard is something I'm certain still draws eyes to my resume. You get a piece of that Blizzard success by having worked there, and in exchange, they can treat you however they want. I have some particularly weird feelings about being the poster child for reinforcing the phrase "You will bleed Blizzard Blue for the rest of your life," because it's true—it really does become an inseparable part of you. It's indoctrination and pride, but now, it's tainted by a reflection and shame that I let myself be taken advantage of. 

All of those feelings are valid. 

I'm wearing my Community Development - Diablo sweatshirt right now, drinking my coffee from a Diablo cup with my 5-year sword hanging on the wall behind me. I met my husband at Blizzard—we started in CS the very same day, in the same training class, and became fast friends well before we ever started dating. We now decorate our house in thousands of dollars of Blizzard art and statues. We debated getting married in front of the Orc before I left. It's a very intrinsic, meaningful, part of my life that has some absolutely wonderful moments... and some pretty awful ones, too.

If you're someone who's privileged enough to make a meaningful difference, I ask for you to listen. Pay attention to what people are saying, past and present. Most importantly, look for the patterns. If you're finding yourself asking, "Huh, I wonder why this person isn't progressing?" dig into it instead of just ignoring the fact they're clearly someone who's caught your eye and aren't being rewarded for their good work. It's been far too easy to ignore these issues and paint them over with excuses. Passion is a vibrant, overbearing color in our palette. Let's stop overusing and relying on it.

[Kylind] The Epilogue

This is... god, I don't even know how many years overdue. Fact of the matter is: I've owed this epilogue to my players for far too long, and only recently have I felt the inspiration to finish it. Maybe it's because of Matthew Mercer and his inspired crew over at Critical Role. Maybe it's my need to express myself creatively as I struggle against my depression and sense of self worth. Most likely, it's a combination of the two.

I've started and stopped this particular piece several times, never quite knowing how to end it. That's the question, isn't it? How does one really end a campaign? For me, I knew this campaign would finish in such a way that it crafted a new beginning. The chronicles of my first fully home-brew party can (and have) set the stage for the rest of the world I'm building. While there are two timelines, the "real" one, the one which I intend to full share sometime in the future, is due to actions of these heroes. Even their more silly ones. :)

Without further ado - here it is. The end of all things for my crew. It probably won't make the most sense without context from the game itself... but I hope you find it an enjoyable read regardless.

[Community] Diablo on #Game Engine

Going to keep this one short, because I'm mostly drafting it up to include these clips for convenience's sake, but I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the experience I had over at Geek & Sundry on July 18, 2017.

I was honored to join Erika Ishii and Trisha Hershberger on Game Engine, a weekly gaming talk show that recently rebooted and airs on Tuesdays. I was representing Diablo and we chatted about so much, from Blizzard culture to the Necromancer and the upcoming Season 11.

While the VOD is only available to subscribers on the Geek & Sundry channel, there were several clips taken that might interest you:

• What do you get for working at Blizzard? 
• Get Ryan a Chair (+ Some Necro Summoning Philosophy)
• We got Ryan a Chair 
• Part of the Blizzard Family 
• What’s in the Bag?(Pt. 1) 
• What’s in the Bag? (Pt.2) 

Thanks to mod Kevin for tweeting all these out!

I've also been told the show will be rebroadcasting soon™, especially since most of the crew will be out at SDCC this week. I'm keeping an eye on Twitter for updates to the schedule, so give me a follow and I'll try to let you all know when the next rebroadcast will be!

It was a really great experience and, for a hardcore nerd like me, a total dream to be on a channel I very much respect. The folks over at G&S are incredible and I sincerely hope I get to work with them again!

Re: Depression

Seeing as this is where I come to dump stuff that I write, I felt like this was one I should move over from Facebook (which I ordinarily keep private). It was cathartic to get out; perhaps someone else will find it cathartic to read.

Incoming wall of text. Fair warning; I'm going to be discussing depression.

Today, I graduated. Not in a good way; I went to the doctor's office because lately, I have been fighting one of my long time demons. If you have known me for a substantial amount of time, you know I suffer from depression. The severity of it has varied from year to year, but it was coming to a very nasty head. I was diagnosed as experiencing moderate depression with at-risk for severe. Thoughts were wandering where they shouldn't, I couldn't drag myself out of bed in anything close to a timely fashion, I haven't worked out in weeks, my work productivity was being severely impacted, I'd come home with a ball of anxiety in my chest and, in short, I just haven't been the same me many of you are used to.

Or maybe I have and you've not really noticed. Because, you see, I've gotten very good at hiding when I'm suffering. I have to. I work in a very publicly visible environment. I smile for the camera and add happy faces to most of my messages. I do my utmost to be polite and professional, or give a gentle, playful ribbing to my closest of e-friends. I lend an open ear and am always here to listen.

But what I rarely do is talk. For some people, depression is an intense feeling of loneliness. That isn't the case for me; while I do a really terrible job of socializing and creating a network for myself, it's not because I feel alone and that I can't relate. No, my depression is a raging bitch and likes to tell me that I don't deserve anything.

That's how it manifests for me, and why I hang on so long to things in my life I know are successes. Because I have to in order to survive. Small victories have to become big ones to me or they are otherwise meaningless because it is so easy for me to trivialize them or forget them altogether. I crave praise because it's completely tied to my self-worth and, when I'm at my worst points, I truly feel worthless. And telling myself otherwise just doesn't work.

So, today, I started medication again after twelve years of being off of it. I've scheduled counseling for next week. I am getting the help I need because, thank goodness, I am weirdly aware of my issues and when I need to resolve them. I am very glad for that quality because, if I didn't have it, I'd think taking these steps was some kind of failure on my part. Instead, I know, even if my brain doesn't want to accept it as such, that I took some very important steps today to getting better.

If you've gotten this far, thanks for listening. If you don't know what to say, that's okay; not everyone can or will understand the kind of thing I'm going through. If you want to do something, leave me something you like. Maybe it's a website you use to decompress. Maybe it's a ridiculously cute cat picture. Maybe it's your favorite meme. Whatever - I'll use this as a nice little pool for recovery for the next few weeks while my brain settles into a new chemical balance. I'm going to struggle, but I know I have met so many amazing, loving, thoughtful people who (somehow) think I'm worthwhile. And when I'm in this place, really all I need is a reminder.

Remember (and this is as much for me as it is anyone else who experiences the same thing): It's always lying to you.

[Pathfinder] Vignette Assignment

I'm a fan of painting miniatures. Whether they're for mass armies in games like Warhammer or individuals for table-top games (or, on occasion, purely aesthetic purposes, like Gundams), I love putting models together and painting them.

Simultaneously, I'm a writer at heart. I have dozens upon dozens of stories tumbling around my brain, and sometimes, I just have to get them out on paper (or on the interwebs, as the case may be).

I'm an avid Pathfinder Society player (as is my boyfriend-face-man-thing, yes, that's the technical term), and I have quite the collection of characters. I've got an immense backlog of miniatures to paint, and while many of them are complete, there's still a big batch to go.

Because these are characters with rich backgrounds, I thought it might be fun to assign myself vignette assignments. Every mini I paint needs to come accompanied with a 500 word essay about them. Not all the characters are mine, but I've helped develop them in some way. Usually through banter both at the table and randomly around the house. We do that. Because we're weird.

Before I share any of the minis I've been working on, though, one particular character is just speaking to me so much that I had to share my first vignette despite her miniature not being completed. I ordered her miniature from the fine folks over at Hero Forge (who are totally awesome and you should check them out if you need a weird, custom miniature for a unique character). Her mini arrived recently and I haven't yet taken pictures or primed her, but you can see the original file for it here.

Emilia Ricard is my half-elf Investigator/Bard (Archivist). She is a specialist in knowing things and disabling traps and... not much else. She basically has no business being on the battlefield, but is the most excellent support you could ask for when you're risking your life and fighting the forces of evil.

If she looks familiar, and you watch The CW's Arrow, it's because she should; she's completely based off of that particular version of Felicity Smoak and I can't wait to paint the miniature to look just like her.

All that said, you might not know a thing about that particular character, or Golarion, or the DC Universe. Hopefully, after you read what I've pumped out below, you'll know my Emelia (and her travelling companion Frankie) a bit better.

Re-establishing for a New Year

Do you want to know what's frustrating?

Being a content creator in your job means that you burn a lot of creative juices doing every day things. It's your job, so it's something you're always working on, always working towards, and always pushing to the limits to grow and develop.

That's great, and I love it, and there's little in this world I would trade for my job. But it's frustrating to have so many other, primarily hobby oriented things that require those creative juices and having to constantly put them on the back burner when I run dry.

I've accomplished a lot since the last time I updated this blog. For those of you who don't know me personally, I got a job at Blizzard Entertainment as a Community Manager for Diablo III. I've done some ridiculously amazing stuff in that time, and it's still surreal to look at the launcher from time to time and see my own face staring back at me. That was the coolest feeling - being messaged and PM'd and Tweeted at by old friends who reconnected because OMFG WHY ARE YOU IN MY BNET LAUNCHER? It's been a great, though exhausting, time getting settled in, establishing my place, and figuring out where exactly the lines are drawn between work and play.

This is a constant battle I think a lot of content creators face, whether they're writers, editors, directors, artists, streamers, or whatever else might fall under that vast and varied umbrella. To that end, I want to strive in 2015 to be more productive and creative than I ever have before. However, because of that constant battle with burn out, I can't make promises on delivery. Ultimately, my health (especially mental) will always come first. Sometimes, that's going to involve wanting to be wholly unproductive because I've blown everything I've got at work.

I'm content with that. I've absolutely no shortage of creative ideas or projects that I want to tackle. Anything I do pursue is good for me; it's enrichment for not only my personal life, but for my professional life as well. I'll tackle things at my own pace, but not without a little motivation assistance here or there; maybe I'll make a post on what I've learned about time management and extracurricular motivation down the road (if only to remind myself of what I'm doing right).

That's it really; if you're new here, great. Don't expect work related stuff here. This is my playground. A place where my word dumps come to die (or be consumed by those who stumble upon it). I can explore my own interests here, create my own things, and share them at my leisure.

I wonder how many more posts like this I'll write like this in my lifetime. With any luck, this will be the last.

Holy Crap, It's July

Boy, have I been busy.

It has been non-stop Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, designing, creating, throwing away, redesigning, re-creating, streaming, and new game playing for the last two months. So much for the schedule I'd set for myself.

Here's what I have worked on, and I hope that I can write about it a bit more in the coming weeks:

-Kylind Campaign is going to be adapted to the Pathfinder system. I have a lot of reasons for doing this, but the main one is because Pathfinder is all published under OGL, or the Open Gaming License. As a writer and designer, this is a god-send because I don't have to worry about stepping on toes when I'm working on my own mechanics. If I like how something works, now I can reference it for players. If I don't like how something works, I can provide alternate rules in my document. Really, it's less of a mess and headache, so that's what I'm working on now - full scale conversion.

-Streaming! I now stream approximately five times a week on Twitch.tv. My channel is located here and has been added to the sidebar links. At the moment, I stream two things regularly: Diablo III on Mon/Wed/Fri and Minecraft on Tues/Thurs. I may swap a day here or there in and out for other things by request, but that's my general schedule. Be sure to catch me between 1PM-5PM PST/PDT Monday through Friday if you want to see me fail miserably (okay, maybe moderately succeed) at gaming.

-YouTube Videos. This was requested by the few people who currently follow me on stream. Right now, I'm drafting out ideas on what I can make videos for and how often. So this is in the pipeline, just not sure when or what just yet. I'll see what I can do. =) Because there's nothing there right now, I'm not planning on linking it. Just keep an eye out for it in the future.

-THE BOOK. And yes, I do mean THE book (my dad's). Book #3 is on the gamut next for editing and release. It has been in my backlog for two years now, and I have nothing but time to get it done now, so I want to take advantage of that. Other projects will likely have to go on hold for it, but that's okay. I owe it to myself, my father, and to the people who enjoy it to get it out there. That, and if I finish it sometime this year, maybe next year I'll have Book #4 to work on!

-THE GAME. There is a game of the video variety that I have had tumbling about in my head for quite some time now. Unfortunately, I think someone may have gone and made it already, though it isn't out yet. So now, I need to decide if it's worth developing on my own with a few trusted associates as competition. That's a whole other project on its own, and likely the lowest in priority as a result. Definitely has the most work to do.

Last but not least, I am still job searching. You may remember several months ago I posted about what to do when you find yourself without work. Regrettably, I haven't been very good at taking my own advice, so now it's time to hold myself accountable. Feel free to hold me accountable too! Poke me on Twitter. Comment on my blogs. Yell at me about why I haven't posted anything recently.

I owe the world so much for being so kind. It's about time I pay it back by letting all these head goblins out and producing something wonderful. I hope you enjoy it.

[D&D] Kylind Campaign - Philosophy

Rather than just copy paste something else out of my source documentation, I wanted to talk a little bit today about inspiration and philosophy for my campaign setting. This week has been particularly rough in terms of motivation, and I couldn't help but feel like the best exercise I could provide to myself to get out of that was stepping back and attempting to analyze what it is that I want to do with this campaign.

[D&D] Kylind Campaign - Class Preview: Chronologist

Hello everyone,

I need to be much better about having a regular schedule with this blog. I've done a poor job, and it doesn't reflect well on me. So, at least look for a weekly update every Friday with a new look into my unique D&D campaign. Today, I'll be giving a taste of one of my unique classes - introducing the Chronologist.

Bear in mind that as a sneak peek for this base class, I'm only revealing some of the description and the first two levels of the class. This is the current iteration, so there may be changes when the supplement as a whole is considered complete. In addition, you'll see a few things referenced that you won't find in another supplement. For those, I may preview them later, or perhaps once the supplement is finished, you'll have to pick it up to fill in the blanks!

I'd like to thank Bill and Ashton for their work in helping me tune this class. Bill has had to put up with a class that was extremely under-tuned at first, and Ashton helped me with much of the research done to improve the class. Without either of their input, I'd likely have scrapped the idea before fleshing it out. Thanks guys!

[D&D] Kylind Campaign - A Short History

It has been a hectic few weeks, let me tell you. But you don't come here to read about my (mis)adventures in unemployment. You come here (I hope) to read interesting topics on gaming. So today, we're going back to my biggest roots and talking about D&D.

Today, I want to introduce you to a campaign I'm running for a small group of friends. Ultimately, when everything is said and done, I'd like to compile, proofread, format, and send this campaign off to a publisher. If you're interested in 3.5ED D&D and looking for a new world to explore, that's what I want this to be.

At this time, I plan to have Kylind offering a map of the region, a base adventure (crafted by me, but guided by my group of clever and hilarious friends), five new races, one new base classes, and four new prestige classes. There will also be a cluster of new items, spells, and feats for you to try out. I'd like to preview a bit of it, in hopes to generate interest, and perhaps gather some feedback on what I'm doing right and what I could do better. Enjoy a short history of the region as well as short descriptions of my races. My apologies if the reading's a bit bland - history tends to read that way.

AFK - BBS!

Just a quick note.

I'm in the middle of studying for my finals for bartending school and moving to a new home. Needless to say, the last week or so has been very busy and not allotted much time for writing.

I have a few blogs planned, including a review of gender in the current gaming community climate, but that will have to wait until I have the time to really devote to it. I want to give that one the attention it deserves.

I'll be back next week once we're all settled in. This was the last chance I had to type this up before unplugging for a few days, and felt I owed it to anyone who's actually following. =)

Thanks guys, be back soon!

[Design] Community in Games

I've had this one in the works for like a week now, because I've wanted to get it just right. This topic is pretty near and dear to me, and if you wanted insight on how I view community and community management, this is probably the most in-depth look I've written. It's a long read, but I hope it's worth your time.

As a community manager, what naturally attracts me most to games are those that are intrinsically built to support meaningful and positive player interaction. Everyone lately is saying that the MMO market is dying, and that it's on its way out. I agree, but for likely very different reasons than most others might suggest. MMO's today aren't just struggling with a good financial business structure - they're struggling because they've lost sight of what made playing an MMO appealing in the first place. When was the last time you were proud of the community you were part of in an MMO? How often do you hear "Oh, that game has a great community?" rather than "I'd rather gouge my eyes out than spend time on that game's forums?" I think there's only a few contenders out there that could boast this, and surprise - they're the ones that seem to be doing the best.

[Review] Harvest Moon: A New Beginning (3DS)

So, one of the many things I'd like to do with this blog is review many of the video games that I most enjoy. I've always been a very avid and dedicated Harvest Moon fan, and I love my mobile gaming, so naturally when a new 3DS Harvest Moon game was on its way, I made sure I'd have it as soon as it was available. If you'd like to skip the in-depth review, feel free to Ctrl+F your way down to "Final Verdict" for the short synopsis.

It's been out for a while now (released November 6th, 2012 in North America), but this one takes a long time to get into, and I find most Harvest Moon games to be best enjoyed in small bursts. Harvest Moon is a bit about monotony, and trying to play through in a marathon can get mind-numbing, no matter which entry in the series you're playing. With A New Beginning (abbreviated to ANB for ease), this is even more true, as this is one of the slowest paced Harvest Moon games I have ever played.

Free Time - Handling Job Elimination

I'm just now getting into a mindset to sit down and write today. It's been a long and emotional day, even if I only spent about two hours at the office.

Today, I was released from my job, as my position has been eliminated.

This is not a new experience for me. I was part of the "Blizzard 600," as some of us called it, so I'm simply grateful for the opportunity to expand my creativity and pursue greater horizons without having to make the difficult choice - leaving my job.

I have no plans to leave the gaming industry. Right now, I have the wondrous opportunity to apply to the jobs I want rather than immediately need, and I can look into pursuing independent ventures as well. The chance to weight the two against each other without willingly taking the dive on my own is really a blessing in disguise.

In the mean time, I know I'm not the only one out there who's lost their job, losing their job, or going to lose their job. Change is prevalent, and in the ever-volatile gaming industry, unfortunately it's quite frequent. This is my second experience, so I thought I'd share the mental and organizational process I go through when these things happen.

Toeing the Line

Hello friends!

If you've popped in and seen this and used to read my blog back in 2010 or earlier... Holy crap man, you probably just forgot to unsubscribe when I stopped writing. I'm deeply sorry for being gone for so long, but there were a lot of reasons I couldn't blog.

Happy Blizzcon Season!

I could say something about lack of updates due to work here, but seeing as that's been done, I'll just skip it.

However, I did want to make a blog post to let people know that I will be attending my 3rd Blizzcon this year. Sudden work related issues are going to prevent me from being at the convention Friday morning, but I'll be there later in the afternoon/evening and around the whole day on Saturday.

For those of you attending, you should check out these information hubs on the Blizzcon forums.

Blizzcon 2010 Unofficial FAQ

4th annual Blizzcon Survival Guide

Anything you could possibly want to ask is most likely already covered there. If not, feel free to post and ask!

In addition, I wanted to let everyone know that I will be utilizing my Twitter account while at Blizzcon. So if you want to track me down to say hello or have a question to ask while you were there, feel free to tweet at me! I can't guarantee an instant response, but I'll be watching it throughout the days. =D

That being said, I've got myself all prepped and ready for this year's con. I hope ya'll are ready too, and I hope to see as many of you as possible there!

Real ID

This has become a pretty big issue for me, and may impact the way I interact with the World of Warcraft community as a whole. So, here we go.

If you are unfamiliar with the topic, the long and short of it is this: The Real ID system, in-game, allows you to chat with your friends across all Blizzard platforms. The draw back is that you must give them your battle.net e-mail to friend them, and they will see your registered name from your account from that point forward. You can change your battle.net e-mail, you CANNOT change your name on your account once it's been set. As such, it's recommended this is only used by close and personal friends - in that regard, it's a great system.

Real ID is, as of today, now announced to be implemented on the official Blizzard Forums. While the change won't be retroactive (thank goodness), posts on the Cataclysm and Starcraft II forums, and presumably Diablo III forums when we get there, will all display your Real ID name - your real first and last names.

Why in the world would any company make this decision?

I like Real ID in-game. I think it's great, and an optional way to keep in touch with friends you know very closely and trust. I have my own little network in game of me and my coworkers. Anyone who tries to add me that I do not recognize, I don't accept, and everything is hunky-dory.

I post on the forums anonymously. The character I post with does not even exist anymore. I don't want people on the forums to know me as me, I want them to know me as Eseten. I've done a lot to keep my personal life and the persona I use to post and write my World of Warcraft blogs very separate from each other. I value that privacy.

Yes, I have a facebook. It is VERY DIFFICULT to find me on there - even searching my name won't yield any results much of the time, and trust me when I say I have a very unique name. Keeping a social network under control is the user's job, and even Facebook has options to keep your info private. They do a terrible job of letting you know those options are there, but they are and it can keep you safe. This is coming from someone who HAS been stalked via Facebook - it taught me a lesson, and I've never forgotten it.

I have been an active member of the forum community for quite some time. The time I have spent on the forums is very memorable to me, and means a lot to me. I have made many friends, a few enemies, and some playful adversaries (Hi Zarhym, lol). The forums were there when I had nothing else socially, when I first moved out here to this strange and terrifying land of Southern California. I dare say I survived my move because of them, and for that, they have my debt.

But if this change with making your real name show up on the forums goes through, that is the end of Eseten on the forums. I will never post again - I couldn't. I've taken great measures to ensure separation of those entities, and Eseten IS a different person. Eseten is a lot of things I can never really be, but get the chance to try. Eseten is very important to me, and got me through a lot.

But I may have to say goodbye to that forever. I may have to leave a community that I love, that I voluntarily participate and support, and that I had hoped one day to be a real breathing part of.

Not sure I've ever used "slap in the face" before, but what I feel right now... sure does sting like it.

If you want to voice your concerns on this issue, please, please take the time to post on the official forums. I, and I believe a lot of people, would like to see this changed.

Please help me continue to be the Eseten you know and love.

I Miss Being Regular

...Try not to take that title in a bad way. XD

But really. I miss being regular in the sense of posting on this Blog. I miss being a regular on the forums. I miss being a regular raider.

At the same time, I'm the closest I've ever been to a "regular" person.

I won't get into my real life. That's not what this blog is for, and it never has been (and it never will be). But the long and short of it is that I have a pretty fulfilling everything right now. Job, living accommodations, significant other, friends, family, etc. That has never, ever been the case for me, and I guess I'm a little overwhelmed with the... eeriness of it.

I do not intend to let this blog die. It will live again. I don't know when that is. I've had a hard time being able to write what I want to due to outside forces that I cannot comment on (ooooOOOOOooOO). I have all kinds of ideas brimming, particularly WoW-related projects, but they're being purposely kept on the backburner.

I may add a link to the side for another project I intend to start on. It's something I'm keeping very anonymous. so if you know who I am, I ask you only refer to me as one of my avatars and never by my name. I'll link this blog to that one, for those who are interested in Eseten's other works.

In the mean time, let's talk about server status. I'm sure everyone's as frustrated with it as I am.

Due to my late schedule, my hours for play time have been rather restricted. I usually get home at midnight or one in the morning, and just want to play some WoW before I go to bed. I had plans for my priest, damnit!

Just the same, I'll reiterate what I put in this thread:

You guys can either continue complaining about the lag/disconnects/unstable servers that have been plaguing most of the realms this week.

Or you can complain that they are doing something about it.

You can't do both, you hypocritical gits. There's some things that can be fixed on the first shot. Others take time, and with the way computers work, sometimes require trial and error.

The number of people they have would not have changed the necessity to take down the realms multiple times. If you think they're spending their billions of dollars on nothing, you are woefully mistaken. Even the best hardware in the world can have hiccups, just like the best athlete in the world can catch a cold.

It sucks, I'm not going to lie. I work late, and the only time I really get to play is early in the morning. I'm going to go play another game for the time being instead of leveling my priest, like I had been planning on. If you feel you deserve compensation, post in the Suggestion forums - they'll be looking for posts like that when these things happen.

But coming to General and crying like a baby, while having unfortunately become an accepted practice here, doesn't actually solve anything.

Again, if you want to get something done about this, go to Suggestions. You won't receive a direct response, but you will be heard.

For those interested, the full thread can be seen here.

I'll continue to stand by this statement, not just because it's what I believe, but because it's what I have to. Ever actually READ the Terms of Service? Be honest, no you haven't.

Maintenance, no matter when it comes, is not something Blizzard owes you anything for. It's something you agree to every time you log in. It sucks now, that's for sure.

But I don't mind not getting to play one night, so long as the horrible lag that's plagued my server for the past two weeks is finally gone.

I understand that troubleshooting does not always work the first time. Having worked at a computer repair shop for several months, and a computer supply depot for a large university for a few years has given me enough insight on that. I also understand that the majority of WoW players won't understand this, and probably never will.

And you know what? I don't care, you're still stupid for bitching.

Review #1 - Arthas

So for my birthday, my loving boyfriend picked me up a book I've been meaning to read for quite some time now. I finally got around to finishing it up about a week ago, so while it's still fresh in my mind, I wanted to write this review first.

Off the bat, I have to warn you: I'm a HUGE fan of Christie Golden at this point. Every Warcraft book that I've read from her has been absolutely riveting and enthralling to the point where I lose sleep over extended reading periods. I have to add that while Arthas was no different in that regard, out of all her books, I think this may have been my least favorite.

Now, I'm not entirely sure this is a fair assessment. You see, there were only two problems that I had with the book. First, the entire recapping of Warcraft III was boring to me. I knew everything that was going to happen (though, arguably, as a WoW player in general, I suppose this should be true for every book to some extent). Just the same, I couldn't help feeling that I was trying to rush reading through it to find something new and interesting - and what do I get when I get to the end of where "The Frozen Throne" ends? Nothing but an Epilogue.

In fact, that brings me rather to my second beef - I could have read the prologue and epilogue and gotten everything I could have wanted out of the entire book. The information I was looking for, the bits and tidbits into Arthas' character, everything from his light to his dark side to how he interacts with Ner'zhul, all get summed up so nicely, almost too nicely, in those bits of the book that there's nearly no reason to read the rest of it.

Now, allow me to backtrack a bit to say that this isn't a bad book. I liked it. While I was reading the beginnings in particular, all the established relationships that you never really saw fleshed out in any game (such as the couple love triangles, family matters, and childhood friends) were pretty much what I was looking for - insight into a character who had such an abrupt change in Warcraft III that it was hard to understand the "why." The book instead outlays a series of events that leads Arthas to this path before he ever takes it - everything, admittedly, makes a lot more sense.

I just don't think that the recap of everything should have taken over half the book's volume while adding very little insight overall. I know that it's necessary - what if someone has never played Warcraft III? What if they've only played WoW and want to find out more about Arthas? It's totally understandable.

I think there could have been a better way to handle it - and don't get me wrong, there's a lot cut out or shortened for readability sake. But I don't think there's much excuse for a portion of the book that an individual can legitimately label as boring.

I don't like "grading" things, or having a rating system, so I think I'll end this with this: This book is worth reading, if only for the beginning and the very end. If you're into the Arthas/Jaina relationship OR Lady Sylvanas Windrunner's ascension as the Banshee Queen, then check this book out for sure - there's a lot for you here. However, if you're just looking for insight on the what-ifs for Icecrown or hints as to what's to come? Read the intro and epilogue and you can live your lore life quite happily without wasting too much time, 'cause that's all you're gonna get.

Not sure what I'll have in stock for you next week - we'll see. For now, fight the good fight. FOR THE HORDE!

Always a Long Time Coming

Hey all. I could make an excuse as to why I've been gone. But you probably won't read it anyway. So the long story short is new job, new city, new home, new guild...

Wait, what?

Yeah, all sorts of things have been happening and Eseten's starting all over again. So if you know a guild that needs a pretty decently geared Ret/Prot Paladin that raids *very* late (starts past midnight PST), let me know! I may be willing to server transfer for good progression guilds.

Good luck getting me to faction transfer though. D= NEVAR!

I'd like to start writing again soon. And it's my intent to do so - but not for a few months. I'm afraid I'm unable to explain why I have to put things on the back burner, but rest assured I have my reasons.

In the mean time, to re-spark my own and others interest in the lore of Warcraft, I'm actually going to be going through and re-reading all the Warcraft books - there's a few I haven't read (primarily the War of the Ancients series), but I'll get to them all in good time. I'd like to spark a bit of interest in everything again, maybe do some compares and contrasts between lore then and lore now - especially with the advents of the Icecrown Citadel raid and Cataclysm encroaching ever closer.

So sit back - I'll have something new to say every Wednesday Morning. I look forward to reacquainting myself with everyone again.

-Eseten-